Saturday, August 20, 2011

Aku Tak Emo, Nak Kongsi Je


Baru-baru ni ada ustaz yang mengajar aku pengajian Islam, bukan aku tak suka subject ni, tapi aku ada certain phobia and skeptical mind kat diorang. Don’t blame me niggah, blame my past.

Bayangkan ustaz ni masuk2 kelas dah nak tanya sape budak skolah agama, sape belajar bahase arab, memang tak dapat la der. Pastu die pun pergi berdialog dalam bahasa arab dan men doakan kitorang supaya grow interest kat kelas die. Well the probs is ustaz, aku tak paham kau cakap pe, and I do feel discriminated.

#story 1

Dulu bukan tak pernah jadi benda macam ni, dulu time kat kolej pun, ustazah dok tanya sape dari sekolah agama, dapat pulak ada 4 orang, dah la sekolah sambest, plus sorang lagi tu tahfiz plak kan, memang kami-kami yang lain ni kena discriminate habis ah.

"kamu pergi haji pun saya tak percaya!"
“ape bukti kau ustazah tu discriminate bad?”
“aku nak story ah ni kejap la barua!”

Ok, bayangkan mase kelas, kami memang tak boleh keluarkan laptop masing-masing. Tapi bila salah sorang student “sekolah agama” ni mengeluarkan laptop beliau, aku pun tengok je ah, nak panas die member aku, so chillax je ah. Then aku pun keluarkan gak ah laptop, nak salin nota softcopy and google terus benda yg ustazah cakap sebab aku tau ilmu aku tak tinggi. Tiba-tiba;

“hisyam! Kamu ni memang tak boleh nak belajar elok2 ke?kelas agama je main2, kamu lagi pentingkan dunia dari akhirat ke?”
*aku pun bermonolog
“barua ape?aku google pasal benda ustazah cakap gak, pasepa fire aku?”
“lagi satu, ni barua sebelah aku ni dok chatting sampai ustazah nampak benda die chat boleh plak main chillax je?”

Dari situ aku dah syak something, memang kalau kau ilmu agam tak cukup, golongan agama ni akan pandang kau pakai kepala bontot.
Tapi bestfren aku time tu, merangkap classmate cakap jgn skeptical sangat, bagi chance sikit kat ustazah tu. Fine!

#story 2

Tak lama pastu, ada tawaran untuk kursus kahwin, aku time tu nak snagat pergi sebab nak tambah ilmu aku, sebab dalam kelas cakap benda ni macam taboo je.
So aku dengan bestie aku pun mengorak langkah menuju ke ustazah dengan yakin.

“ustazah, saya dengan faiz nak join kursus kahwin ni boleh?”
“kamu nak join?hafazan pun tak lepas nak kahwin?, takpela hisyam, dah penuh pun ni”
*aku jalan balik kelas dengan kepala tunduk bawah, kecewa

Then esoknya aku tanya member yang pergi, ade sorang member ni baru nak pi register kat ustazah, pergi office jumpa, then balik aku dengan confident cakap;

“mesti dah penuh dah kan?aku dah cakap dah”

Mamat tu dengan selamba badak sumbu  cakap camni;

“mana ada, aku register bawah slot ustazah tu elok je”

Aku diam, aku taknak benci ustazah, die bagi aku ilmu, tapi kenapa die pilih student camni? Layak ke die nak judge aku?


#story 3

Sekolah aku dulu mostly budak-budak yang amik bahasa arab, tak pun asal sekolah agama. Aku pun taktau kenap aku bleh dapat tawaran masuk situ.

So sekolah yang “cemerlang” ni kalau bagi hafazan ke, sekejap je diorang dah settle dah, aku yg dari sekolah harian ni terpancut-pancut gak ah baru dapat hafal.

Then ada satu hari ni, ustaz ni out of the blue tetibe je bagi 2 haours and surah untuk hafazan. Aku yang tak prepare ape-ape ni gelabah and nervous sampai peluh-peluh. So ditakdirkan yang aku ni tak habis hafal. 
Ustaz ni pun dengan selamba nya pi buat pengumuman depan kelas;

“Alhamdulillah semua orang di dalam kelas ni dapat menghabiskan ayat yang diberikan kepada mereka kecuali HISYAM”

Perasaan malu tu memang dah tak boleh nak bendung, aku rasa macam nak pindah sekolah pun ada, dah lah life kat sekolah tu macam hell, kena pulau sebab benda bodoh, member takdak, ni sekarang ustaz pun dah start cop aku.

Semenjak hari tu kalau time kelas agama je, die mesti tanya aku hafazan dah siap ke belum, tapi tanya aku macam nak bagitau satu kelas. Harom betoi!

"haizz, mana la nak letak muka ni"

#story 4

Dulu kalau korang semua pergi mengaji kecik-kecik, mesti lepas khatam je ade buat makan-makn ke, or sedekah sikit kat ustazah kan?

Well dulu family aku serius tak mampu, dah la dok umah sewa, makan pun cukup-cukup jek. Tapi bapak aku ada kesedaran, die taknak anak-anak die Al-Quran illiterate, so die pun pi hantar adik aku kat masjid ni coz ade ustazah yang nak mengajar.

Tapi aku pelik gak ah, every month ustazah ni mintak duit RM60, padahal mengajar tu seminggu sekali je, tu pun satu page. Takpela, bapak aku cakap yang lebih tu kite sedekah, sebab biasa bapak aku bagi 100.
Then bila sampai waktu adik aku dah khattam, ustazah ni pergi jumpa mak aku, then die mintak macam-macam, kain pelikat, kain batik, duit extra, and pulut untuk setiap murid lain and diri die sendiri. Mak aku yang pelik ni pun tak berapa setuju ah, dah la kitorang ni bukan golongan yang mampu sangat, nak pulak buat macam kenduri kesyukuran dah aku tengok.

Then ustazah ni pun ugut mak aku;

“Kalau puan tak buat semua ni, saya tak dapat jamin Azlan dapat teruskan dengan exam die nanti”

Hamboi!mentang-mentang adik aku dah nak upsr, kau boleh plak pergi ugut camtu kat mak aku? And macam mana kau tau mak aku convert? Mak aku yang terasa sikit ni pun story kat bapak aku;

“sebab mama ni muallaf dan taktau ape-ape die nak ambik kesempatan ke?”

Bapak aku dengan selamba tahi nyamuk (standard lelaki ah) reply;

“takpela mak, anggap tu sedekah je la”

Aku tak sure story ni korang faham ke tak, tapi aku tengok kat sini, bila orang tu rasa diri die lebih banyak ilmu dari orang lain, orang lain akan dipandang hina dan dimomok-momokkkan dengan pengetahuna agama nya.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Weakness?


Rather than scripting something smart, I think I wanted to rant something that skulk in my head for few the past days.

Yeah, I wanna write something stupid, problem?

I think starting from today, im gonna update my blog once in a week (hopefully im that consistent)
I have one big weakness that is I always think about others before I think about myself.
Well, genetically, I should be kiasu, selfish, and stingy as it is in my blood. But with people I care, I always think about them first.

Let’s say, when I was in a voyage or a vacation, these are the things that played in my head;

“Mak suka baju jenis ape ye?”
“Hasyim ni kalau beli baju ni agak-agak dia pakai tak eh?”
Or
“Kalau belikan HER benda ni agak2 dia suka ke?”

And when im back from a rip, I always ended up not buying anything for myself

Let’s take another example,

When I am in a train or LRT, I was always,ALWAYS auspicious to found a seat for myself, but the dilemma is, I have problem sitting on it. Why? Because I always think someone might needed the seat more than I do. In a business world, I might not even make it far.

My ancestors would be so disappointed in what ive become, that’s im pretty sure. A selfless attitude isn’t in my gene.  Btw, Chin Peng isn’t my fookein ancestors u bloke!

Sometimes people say that I am nerve-racking too much, or think too much. Yeah, maybe if I am alone, I can’t bring to a halt myself from thinking.
Some people says that I’m stupid by being thoughtful too much, well I admit that I might worry too much. But it’s not my purpose too, I didn’t be acquainted with why I was born this way (yeah gaga,I took your line, STFU)

But I dint ask no matter which in return, seriously. Sometimes, what I need is just a little gratitude or simple thanks. It wasn’t really hard; I can smile all day if I see people around me are smiling.

I always wanted to be like Snape, those who watched Harry Potter n the deathly Hallow part 2 and says that they liked him even before, you guys can Kiss my donkeh arse! When he was still the bad guy, nobody likes him; everyone is sooooo mad at him and hated him. U guys even made the lulz comic on him. And now, when he swiftly became the good guys, everybody started to likes him, what a beyatch! Booyah!

"i don't have problem you hating me bloke"


That is how people are, when they are the bad guy, you always see them only in one way despite taking the fact that they too have the second side of the story.
I too love the character Snape, not because of the fookein deathly hallows part 2, but long when the sorcerer stone is discovered, I knew he was good.

Same with fan of Shia Labeouf, everyone likes him when he started to become macho either in that stoopig Transformers, Eagle Eyes, or even Disturbia. Everyone suddenly wanna lick his hairy butt when he became a stars.

"People make mistake, but God didn't right?"


But I am a fan of him since he was still in that “Disney Age”. Ever heard bout the movies Tru Confessions? Its one of the archetypal movies that gave me the #manlytears

“tak pernah dengar pun?”
“memang la bijak, kau isap susu mak kau lagi kot!”

Ok, im kidding, maybe ur sucking the cow nipples already, back to the story, its about twin brother and sisters, where the brother can be portrayed as mentally confront. Naah, easeh, retarded. And the sister, well shes just normal. But having a retard brother aint easy, and if he is a twin of yours, times the whole life-sucks-hard thingy by 100!

That story actually assails me directly into the heart, because I too, used to feel so inferior and helpless. But no matter what, he taught me to be strong.

I have a twin brother, when were still in primary school, he is already actively involved in the story telling competition, public speaking, and many more things that needs you to speak in front of hundreds of audience. And me? Im just a stupig brother (stupid and fat like pig, get it?) so I was always substandard and mediocre in many ways, I was never the apple in my parents eyes, so when I grew up, I kindda expected myself to not be the apple in anyone eyes, though deep in me I hope to be appreciated, even a little.

p/s:-
Its getting late, need sahur, nite.