Just for teh Lulz

Reported by Babad Mantaram

Pasir Mas, Kelantan - 1 February 2011- A student wso is obsessed with six pack six pack abs and mountain biceps faced complete failure.

He turned to protein shake to shape up and get Arabian and niggah girlfriend from next door, but ended up with a steroid addiction, zombie face syndrome and undescended scrotum.

"I was taking up to sixty tablets a day, of three different types of steroids, nasi goreng iran and playing volleyball till maghrib everyday," he said.

"It took over my life, my scrotum, looking good, feeling good - and I didn't care what I had to do to get the result."

Paez is one of a growing number of people in the north-east of Kelantan who are turning to protein shake to try and improve their body shape and schnort.

'Lippo Black T'

The charity Loser Project has seen a rise of over 64% in steroid users over the past year.

Its branches in Bukit Changgang, Pasir Mas, Batang Kali and Jeli have had a total of 868 new sign-ups since January last year.

A spokesperson from the charity said:

"We're seeing a lot of younger men or boys who don't have a clue what they're doing - they're injecting in the wrong places and don't realize the health and facial implications due to not attending anats classes."

It puts the increase down to increasing body image pressure and a "quick fix badan ketak-ketak" culture.

Paez agrees: "There's more pressure on all of us to look good, especially from the admin and volleyball team."

Relationships suffered

Quitting steroids doesn't mean Paez’s dropped his exercise and food regime.

He still plays volleyball at weekdays and visits the gym every other day.

He has a very clear message to anyone thinking about using steroids:

"Just do it (NIKE). It's just not worth it macam makan kuaci- I regret it even now.”

"I've got liver and kidney problems, and I put my diabetes down to the drugs.”

"I was more aggressive, a lot more - and relationships suffered because of it.

My advice is JUST DO IT."

Just for Lulz

Laporan Melalui Walkie – Talkie Ali Mafia

Cyberheight, Cyberjaya – 27 Januari 2011 – Seorang pelajar sebuah university perubatan tempatan, Luqmanul Hakim a.k.a fookface didapati melakukan seks luar tabii   bersama seekor udang gergasi. 

Fookface yang  difahamkan telah melalui kemurungan sosial kerana dirijek seorang pelajar lain daripada institusi yang sama untuk menjadi gundiknya. Bagaimanapun apabila ditanya mengenai niatnya untuk menduakan pasangan dengan selamba kuchengnya telah menjawab :

“Saya hanya inginkan seorang teman baru kerana faktor jarak yang memisahkan saya dan teman wanita saya, kebetulan pula udang gergasi tersebut menaikkan nafsu saya, bak kata mak saya, rezeki jangan ditolak, dah alang-alang kena tolak”

Lebih mengeruhkan keadaan, pelakuan Fookface yang memalukan umat manusia itu telah dikantoikan kerana pelakuannya untuk merogol udang gergasi tersebut telah dirakam oleh perakam amatur disekitar kawasan tersebut. Sekarang negara kita terpaksa mengalami krisis yang mungkin mampu menamatkan riwayat jutaan rakyat Malaysia kerana udang gergasi yang dirogol olehnya adalah puteri daripada planet Hamsap.

   

“Saya macam ni sampai mati pun taknak kawin dengan udang ni!”

Nampaknya kita semua terpaksa menanggung akibat daripada pelakuan tidak senonoh yang ditunukkan oleh manusia tidak bertamadun ini.

p/s : Segala watak diatas tiada kaitan sama ada dengan yang masih hidup dan sewaktu dengannya..

I hate to say this, but I do not hate anybody. Just hoping that anyone who read this post will think twice when you blurted out your words in front of others.

The Horsedigger

When a horse is “mating”. They came from behind right?

They shriek hornily and it sounded horrifying. It is their nature, unpleasant but still it is their nature right? And how about human who acted that way? Maybe we should call them as HORSESHIT!

What will happen if someone stabs you in the front with a long and sharp samurai sword? It

hurts right? But at least you know it is coming and you can prepare your mental to “accept” the pain.

Now imagine your situation when there are small blades piercing from your back. And the pain is so excruciating that you wanna scream badly. But you can’t cause you didn’t sure either the pain was a virtual or real.

Now lets get back to reality. What happens if you are talking at the back of a person .

You talked with the “pasar” English and deafeningly till everyone can hear you. But when the person you badmouthed is coming, you lower your voice like a timid mouse in cage waiting for chees. Imagine how he will feel after he knows that you are talking about him.

You are selling his story here and there like th makcik jual kain tapi kali ni jual taik! Fook you man! That’s what we call as cowardy. If you have something bad about me just say it in my face! Stop spreading horseshit at my back and pretend you are my friend all this while. If you wanna shriek in my face just go ahead and u can fart in my face if you wanted to. I don’t really give a shit cause you know what? I like it when people say bad thing ON MY FACE! It is less hurting than the backstabbing dude.

It really happened to me a few times, whenever people look at me, it is like they saw a demented old circus monkey who is ready to rape anything that moves. It hurts even more when they started to whisper loudly. If you wanna whisper so badly, stop doing it in front of people that u talk bad to. Its kindda like raping them in their ears!

So while you read this, remember, nobody like it from the back, it is full of shit. Take the front “road” it is gave you more “satisfaction”.( It does sounded wrong wasn’t it?Aaah..stop imagining guys)

The Owl Cat

Owl is the symbol of prudent and intelligent, whilst cat is the symbol of cunning and deviousness.( I know it’s a lame name but don’t care bout it first k). Owl Cat usually think that most people are far more dim-witted and stupid(yes stupid!) They talked like they confirm masuk syurga but in fact they are jut making people who wanna do good thing feels bad.

In a surau, Come a non-familiar face and he started to look in disbelief. Looking at the non- familiar face like he is a reeking foul pig entering a house. His face will start to show the symptoms of disbelief. And when the prayer ended, he will make some kind of ceramah and invited the non-familiar face. Since that the non-familiar face is new and wanna have a change in his life, he accepted the offer open heartedly. Now the Owl Cat started to talk about religion and uses many Arabic terms and talked as if he is swallowing chalk. Ow u know what kindda tone I am talking about, it’s the alam = a’lam. Or sahabat will become sohabeit. I know it sounded terrible but that is how the scenario going around. Now back to the story, after talking a while to show his high astute level he will start talking bad shit about the non-familiar face guy.

“Kita kalau dah dekat susah ni, dekat-dekat exam ni baru nak ingat tuhan. Cuba ingat balik, rasa-rasa kita ni sebenarnya ikhlas ke tak nak ibadat ke sebab susah je baru ingat tuhan”

Fook man! Stop being so sarcastic and killing goodwill like stomping on a bird’s nest. Its cruel and not humane. And lastly, this man will start to feel exasperated and irritated with the wily words play. If a person is trying to do something good, you should help them, not killing their good intention.

The Kiasu Whore

Damn its good to be kiasu, but using others for your own advantage and taking every single words of others as a threat. That’s demonic. It is ok to think about your career and future, but taking others as just a stepping stone and not as friend, damn its annoying. Stop posting on facebook like you can take other people to study other than you. It is like you cannot lose to even a single person in your life. Life is not just about winning you whore! You use your sweet voice and nice look to “pancing” people into your trap so you can get and A. They do your work despite the fact that you are only using them. What kind of attitude is that? Its demonic,DEMONIC!

Imagine if you are in a working field. What will you do to be on the top? You sleep with every boss that you meet just to get promotion. Stop it will ya?

If you really wanna whoring so badly, live in Ethiopia. You can get 20k in one day with your BPhram and whoring skills. Seriously! In one month you will be richer that mayhadeihrt.

There it goes. All my rage has been drained like mana used insanely. I have the second and third version, but its already 12 and I still haven’t memorize all my slides yet, sheyat!HAHAHA..

Music is my soul..

For the week, I have several songs that keep playing in my head and I know, with every song lay a deep meaning in them. I don’t really know how to talk much about the song. But deep in me, I know it is what have bulked in my brain.

Just in case you are interested in what kindda song I am listening, these are the list of song to kill your time:

Sum 41 -Pieces

Sum 41 -With Me

Puddle of Mud -Blurry

Silverstein -My Heroine

Blink 182 -Stay Together for the Kids

Box Car Racer -There Is

Relient K -Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been

Breaking Benjamin -Diary of Jane(acoustic)

I just call the playlist as the “despicable denial”. BTW, I am going to USM to play pingpong, I know I am not really that good in sports and luck has sided me for once..

Talking with the shower

Yo! Shower, u see me naked everyday rite? And some of my housemate too..did it disgust u?hahaha.

Btw, I don’t feel like im gonna talk bout this to anyone else so im gonna tell you cause I know ur a god lisener rite. I feel like a jerk ths few days.

What? I know I am a jerk, but I feel great, but not today. Do u know why?

I don’t too. Maybe I am just paranoid

Sometimes, I cracked a joke but no one seems to care. Am I not funny?

I tried to find the good in me, for one whole day. But to no avail. It is just so hard to find the good in myself. Maybe I am just a sober and a whiner dork.

Past is a classic music played in wit

There are two choices in this world. One is to become the good guy and the bad guy. Well, if u choose to be the good guy, u will regret because people don’t like good guy cause they are not cool!

When I was in a boarding school, I tried to be the angel in school, I went to surau everyday and never missed. Not even once! (I know its hard to believe them but its true. And I never really mingle with the badass in school (this is where the bad part begins) In the school, there are two types of people, the rules follower and the rules breaker.

Rules follower :

They are the teacher’s pet, the angel and the one who always follow what has been ordered. girls don’t seem to like them so muc. It’s a mystery to me cause I don’t know why. I mean, nice guy should be the one that people like right?

Rules Breaker :

They are the baddass, the cool guy, the hot guy and girls are like toys to them. (shit, I envy them so much) They can say anything they want and it still seems cool to other kids in the school. They break school rules and people praise them. What the hell happened to this world????? ARGH!!!

But after a few years leaving the school, I still didn’t see the good of being the good guy. Nobody will praise you for doing good thing cause they will only blame the black past that you have in your life.

And that is why, I would prefer to be the bad guy, the one people will hate, cause I think people will like it and I will look cool. But deep inside, I know this is not what I am. I scream a silence and regretting in my pillow. What to do, a wise man said, when you have done a bad thing, there is no repent until the face of death…

Its ok to be bad!lol

Research la konon

Judgmental and Condemnatory

A few weeks before, I was thinking bout how human will react based on the human presentation. A creepy idea flows in my head like niagra falls, and here are some situation that might happens in the test im gonna make :

First of all, I am gonna cut my hair like the “mat rempit”.

Oh u know what kindda hair im talking about, it’s the punk + grunge + dork hair.

So I asked a close friend of mine to cut my hair accordingly. And he ended up saying and asking me, “bad, rambut ko dah mcm prof Nasa woi!”. Shit, now I’m making fun of myself, but I said to myself, no, finish ur mission brah. So despite my falling pride, I continue with my mission.

And now, the mission has continued for one week,one whole week. Dang its hard to survive that but thank god I managed to do so. And here are some of the comment I got so far

“comel la rambut ko babad~” - +1

“woi rempit!” - -1

“mak ko tau x?” - +1

“aku botak ko rempit,nice!” - +1

“macam mat rempit blakang umah aku” - -1

“ko nak jadi samseng ke syial?” - -1

There are many more and I am kindda tired to write it all. Ao I have summed it up into the following :

- 9 person has given negative feedback and 8 are good one. So another 3 should be enough.

I think another week should be enough. And so far, the progress is continuing according to my plan.( what a cocky bastard I am lol ^^)

So im gonna post the results next week..

Escapism

A word of cowards some might say. But it is what I have been doing for my whole life. It makes me forget about the pain that I face, the hectic life that I am enduring. Come on, u would do the same if u are in my shoes rite?? So stop pretending on shows the mask of holiness to me will ya. Even a strong man can cry a river when he faces the “rome empire strike”. Yeah! U man! Dah2 jangan tengok belakang lagi bro!

As for me, I would keep myself busy, playing sports that I am not really good at, cutting my hair till I look idiot, fyi, I do look like mat rempit now for some stupid “statistic research” lol. How bout u?what would u do to make u feel happy, or at least ease the pain that u are facing for the time being.

well, if you are looking for something to inspire ur escapism method, u might wanna try to watch the movie "I Love You Man". some stupid ideas yet fruitful.

Jokes or Dorks?

There are many types of jokes that we have in this demonic world..But what I am gonna strain in this post this time is about the cruel jokes..

Cruel Jokes

It is easy to make such a joke..u don’t in point of fact have to use the “super brain” of yours with an IQ of 120 to come out with a joke..pitiless joke is a type of joke that makes u feel exasperated and infuriated at the end of the process..Lets say in a class(I like to use class cause to me it’s a symbol to community, microcosm) when someone come to u n started confessed her feelings.. She says how much she adores u n how she would blah blah blah bullshit bullshit.. and out of nowhere, theres butterfly around you.. and then, at the end of the day, it’s a lie cause a stupid game called Truth or Dare..I don’t know why people are tend to become an American and started to adopt their culture..they have smaller brain for god’s sake and they are complete animal..

okay2, now lets get back to our topic..this guy feel happy and BAAAMMMM!!!!..his heart broke like thin glass thrown on toilet bowl..most of the audience around will joy and roll on the floor laughing their ass off..but aint that stupid? Has anybody thought about how the guy’s feeling for a sec? no right? In the end he faked a smile and swallow sadness and he is a shading tears behind the mask of a joker..hatred is not really my style, I hardly hate people..but being cruel to others, that is just plain stupid and inconsiderate..apologize accepted..may the tears of consciousness in the sin wash ur simple mind within..

Something i might regret doing..

I am stupid, just that im working harder than anyone else(not really,coz im a lazy bum too)..so I ended up being a loser..Since I was a kid n having my first sweet tooth, I never really get what I wanted, being born in a family with a twin makes everything that u do will be compared..either it is school tests, behavior, or even the way u walk.. it is hard to live in expectation so what I am trying to do is to escape as much as I can from being Norhisyam bin Anuar and be Babad.

Well, let me begin with the awesomeness of Babad..He used to date 4 girl at once (YES ur not playing stupid illusion with ur eyes, its 4 for god’s sake!!!) with his wit and talent with the gurls..but guess what, none of them felt real..He lies to people but he hardly get caught..

Well that certainly look like me XD

As for Hisyam, he was just a normal guy..Well, not so normal, he always felts guilt in his head n heart..He enjoys playing with kids(not a PEDOBEAR)love to see people smile..At the same time, he felt guilty to what have been done by Babad..he considered it as irresponsible and egotistical..Felt sorry for all the gurls that has been involved..And now, he wanna fall in love but he is afraid that it might ended up in a hurting relationship..again..so he locked himself deep..deeper so that in a vessel of truth, only Babad existed..

Well who can reject their smiles rite?

I know, I might regret of doing this tomorrow..

I might ended up being a joke too..

So even after u read this, just ignore the fact that I am hisyam, I AM BABAD..

Its for the goodness of all..

………..

It is 4 an I still can’t sleep..maybe I just can’t..i need to get this out of my head as it might crack any moment..

Now my head felt lighter than it has been..

So much about spending “quality” time in the house..In the house, everyone seems so selfish, he will only be in the house when it is in the evening, around 6..what kind of work hour where u have to spend 10 hours a day, office hour suppose to be 8 hours, ur not even getting any extra money for all your extra work with the white devil cylinder.. Talking to him is not like talking with father, its more like talking with a boss, no argument, no suggestion, only one way communication is enabled..

What is the point of having a holiday when what sew in the heart is only hatred and respect..

Lets take a situation from below and compare it with a normal family :

When parents get home:

Normal parents : How was your day son?

My parents : Have u cleaned the car? Sweep the house? U haven’t? why didn’t u do it? Is it so hard for u to do chores?(more like a slavery) Why u!!!why did u stare me like that? I told u to cook fish rite? Wheres the fish? FISH!!!

That was nothing?lets take another frikkin example,

When u haven’t called ur parents for few days:

Normal parents : (start calling) Son, are u ok? How was ur life?busy wasn’t it? Its ok..just take ur time and rest more..

My parents : (I wont call u coz ur ma son, so im gonna call when I see some guilt text sent to me) It is ok if your not calling, a mum that miss her child is like a bad son that will rot in hell..its Derhaka..

Cocky Bastards!!!!

Humble might be devoured by Cockiness mind

It is really scary to think what I might be if I’m gonna be tested with prosperous rather than obstacle and impediment in this life..I have saw some people in my life,when they are on top, they forgot about the people below..

“Keep ur feet on the ground even if ur head is in the sky”..

It remain playing in my head..I too know how it considers to be on top..It is like u have a Great Wall of China in frontage of you and all the guidance and proposition will be seen as an enormous menace..

Hey! Look closely at me and say listen to me EGO! I am gonna find a way to crush you..one way or another..just wait,we will meet on this side,or the other!