Friday, February 18, 2011

Blue Striped Shirt..

Regret for what we wanted to say, but we could not. I don’t know what my life should be in. the curse isn’t wearing off yet.

Last two day, I wear the valentine gift + birthday gift I got from my first girlfriend. It’s a shirt, a blue striped shirt she bought. She chooses it herself and wrapped it in a bag with blue colored heart shaped box. I keep the box for 2 years (it sounded corny shit but it happened) and ended up throwing it away cause it uses too much space in my life.

It all comes to me that night. I suddenly remembered our date.
On that day, I was still in college (young and stupid) and the night before, I prepared a card especially for her. 

I spent nearly two hours in writing and embellishing the card. I like the beautification itself.

So I started my voyage in the early hours in the cock-crow, hiking to the bus station and pass the time for 1 hour, waiting for a bus to arrive. With my blue striped shirt and the bright sun, I ended up sweating myself hard and spiraling in vain.

And then I was in Putrajaya central. Then have to wait for another 1 hour for the train (ERL) to arrive. Continued my journey to KL Central.(seriously lame huh)

As soon as I arrive, I tried to find a florist nearest from my location. I walked and walked till I found a stall selling flower. Checked my pocket, I got few reds and green, had some monologue to myself either to buy the flower or not. I ended up buying one notwithstanding apprehend the high price of the flower. So I continued and arrived at KL sentral. With a bouquet of red roses in my hand. In KL sentral, I saw another bouquet of the same size but the price was 3 times higher than the one I bought (lucky bastrads I am!) I quickly bought a ticket to mid valley.

On the train, I started to feel ill at ease and awkward, not only for the reason that the fact that I am going on a date, but also the flower that I am holding onto. Everyone was looking at me with outlandish eyes. Some even captured my picture devoid of my authorization. Loud whispers of people around me make me even more edgy, “do I look stupid?” I said to myself.

As soon as I arrived, I quickly went to the place we promised to meet. It’s a bookstore, with me still holding onto the flower, I blushed with all the undomesticated eyes and the smirk around me.
When she was in front of me, I quickly gave her the flower and I can hear an annoying sound nearby which goes something like this: “aaww~ what a sweet couple aren’t they”

She smelled the flower deeply, taking all the time that she needed. With a satisfied face, she hand over me the cute little bag she was carrying all along. In the bag, there is a box, A4 sized neatly decorated with a small cards. I opened the card gaily:
“happy bday n valentine day..831..(,”)&(“,)”

A short notes but meant a lot. Well the whole day was just a typical date, with cheap dinner. We stopped and chatted, shared an ice cream, went to a shushi store and ended up running cause I was short of money. Then we walked outside, walking aimlessly, just the two of us. Then in the evening, we went to A&W in front of the AMCORP Mall by LRT till night (aku solat dowh,xnk cite kat sini je).

When we are out of the A&W and to the amcorp mall, rain started to fall heavily, I tried to cross the roads but I can’t seem to see clearly with the fog on my glass, but with self-centered mind, I still tried to cross the road. “SHREEEEKKK!!!!” a fast BMW 3rd series car is honking from afar sliding during the rain. My heartbeat rate booms up, I think of becoming extinct and all the flashback came to me at once.

Then a gentle hand was grabbing my hands and pulled me off the road. We both floor on the ground, but her hand is still holding onto my hands, griping firmly but tight, not wanting to let go. I can feel her shiver, tears drop of her face, and she got mad, she hits me with another hand and started to yell. I felt touched; it was the first time people other than my family be bothered about me so much. Unintentionally, I cried too, but the rain is mixing with it (lucky again I am).so I don’t really look like I am crying too. Then on the way sending her home, she didn’t even letting me go, not even for a second. Till she safely arrived home.    

But all those happiness didn’t last long, she started to cheated and telling me lies and when I found out bout it, she keeps denying. And then finally, she asked for separate ways. I bid to her will and respected her decision, deleted her from my life. But from that on, I became babad.

When she leaves me, it create a bigger hole in my chest, it is bigger than when I am still a loner. So I tried to fills it up. And at the same time revenging on every girl that I have dated by playing with their hearts. They are completely innocent. It is me who was wrong. That is why I still have the 9 girl curse (Lame name eh, STFU)

With all the curse haven’t been lifted, I didn’t have the guts to do the same again. I broke 9 hearts, shattered them into pieces, so I am expecting myself to be broken 9 times too. That is the 9 girl curse.

So now I am too afraid to fell in love again, afraid that another demon might be born in me, I will end up hurting people again. I don’t want to do it, it is just so not me.

No comments: